Metacognition: Poetry

I will be the first to admit that I am not the biggest fan of writing poetry. I love reading it, for the most part, but I find the writing process to be long and difficult when you are trying to stay away from the clichés. What helped me somewhat stay away from that was when we were assigned to think of random moments in our lives that meant something to us, but we don't exactly know why. 

This part came generally easy to me. The first things that came to my head were pretty random, but a few of the moments were obvious and, well, cliché; Christmas eve, Thanksgiving dinners, my sisters leaving for college, all of the moments that you would expect to stick in someone's mind. I finally settled on when my ex-boyfriend and I walked through the woods together. Nothing exciting happened (so no one get any ideas), but it was special and I felt as though writing a poem about it would allow me to dive deeper into why this stuck.

When I wrote my first draft, my ex-boyfriend and I were more recently broken up than we are now, so I had many more emotions that came easily to me as I wrote the poem. Looking back, though, I realize that I left most of those out of the poem. My poem was pure detail and story, it had no feeling showing through it even though there was a lot behind it. 

In the second draft, I allowed more emotions to show but still subconsciously held back. I kept getting feedback to dive deeper into what happened between the two people in the poem, but I was afraid to for reasons that will remain unsaid. When we got our poems back again and were told to rewrite them a third and final time, I'll admit I got angry. I was told again to go deeper into their problem and this time I was consciously holding back. This anger let my emotions finally break through and go onto my paper. He wanted to go deeper into the problem? Fine. Here it is. And let me say, it was amazing. I hated doing it so much. I hated having to connect with what was bothering me and find a way to make it sound "pretty." But it worked. It got the feelings out of me. The situation still upsets me, but it's nice to know that I finally got it off my chest and into writing. 

I didn't care for this writing process at all, but looking back, I know that it was good for me and I thoroughly appreciate it now. 

Get Orgainzed

To "get organized," I am cleaning my room. My clothes need to be hung up in my closet, books need to be put away, and some stuff needs to be thrown out. I am doing this by myself.

I haven't started cleaning yet, and I keep finding excuses not to do it. I get distracted by Facebook, music, or my phone. It's just a daunting task that I'd rather not be doing, so I find myself doing other things. I know that once I finally clean it, though, I'll feel much better.

I'm about halfway through cleaning my room and I cannot focus for the life of me. I keep finding different reasons to stop; I think of a random question for my mom, my cat walks in the room and I have to pet her, I want to skip the song that comes on, etc. I am just so bored.

I finally finished cleaning my room and I feel extremely accomplished. Even though it took much longer than it should've, I still got it clean and it looks amazing. I feel much less overwhelmed now.

Before I cleaned my room, my mind was very scattered. When I would look for something, I had to look at the floor because I would just leave random things there. Now I know where to look and my mind feels much more at ease.

After this project and analyzing my thought process, I found that I avoid doing something that I don't want to do as much as I can. I kept making excuses to put it off, even during the cleaning process. I realized that I do this with homework as well. If there's something I don't want to do, I put it off until the last minute, and that is a very bad habit to have. I'm now trying to change my mindset and realize that the sooner I do something that I don't want to do, the sooner it's over with and I can move on to more enjoyable things.

Metacognition: Early Modern Project

I believe that I'm generally a good thinker. I take the time to think about each decision I make instead of just quickly choosing the first one that pops into my head, which I believe is a good quality to have. I sometimes go overboard with this, though, and tend to over-analyze things, which isn't a good thing. I then over think each of my options and it turns into a mess. I also get overwhelmed easily so I become very stressed out. I'm somewhat of a spaz, so this definitely adds to the stressed out or frantic feeling I get. I'd like to learn how to stay level-headed and calm while making a decision, I think that would help me keep from becoming stressed.

I do like the fact that I take the time to think about each option I have when I don't over do it. I know a lot of people that make rash decisions and it usually doesn't turn out well. I believe that I usually make good decisions, mainly because I take the time to think.

Something I don't like about my thinking is that I have a hard time trusting others when working in a group. For example, during our social studies Early Modern Era project, I got extremely stressed out because I didn't believe that the others would finish their work on time. We did get it done, but I need to learn to trust my group members. They want a good grade too, so why would they hurt their own grade just because it's group work? I can tell myself to be confident in them, I just have to start doing that.

What surprises me about my thinking is how I can pick out different themes or techniques in poetry. I've never been a huge fan of poetry; I never really took the time to analyze the art of it. But once we were pointed out different techniques the poets use throughout their poems, I was amazed on how easily I could pick up on it. It's like a whole new world was opened to me. Once we were shown techniques that Shakespeare used, I could easily find those throughout King Lear as well. I also have begun noticing these techniques in other things such as shows or movies. I was watching Blazing Saddles the other day and I saw an example of the back-and-forth dialogue that Shakespeare used in his writing. I can easily pick up on different writing techniques, a talent I wasn't aware of until this year.

Overall, I think that I have a good thought process. Although sometimes I think too much, I believe that I do a good job of judging my options and making decisions. I also need to learn to trust my group members, but that's just a small adjustment that I can work on. Other than that, I believe that I can think logically, which is a good quality to have.

Blogging Around

Aaron Ach wrote a post on his blog called Inconvenient Truth: Hardwiring of Our Brains. He made the claim that although we don't want to admit it, everything is predetermined. Our life's path is set out when we are born, and although we may stray from it, we end up going the way we're supposed to go to the destination that was decided for us. In response, I wrote:

I only somewhat agree with this post. I do believe that some aspects of our lives are created by fate or nature or whatever you want to call it, but not all. There are many things we have control over. I believe that this "road" we're put on brings us to intersections, but allows us the choice of which direction we want to go and continues from there. There's no one path we are meant to take, but there are decisions we are meant to make. Our destination isn't determined until we get there.

Kira Bolos wrote a post called 360 Degrees: Gay Marriage. Although she believed that gay marriage should be legal, she tried looking at other point of views. In the end, she still believed that gay marriage should be legalized. In response to her post, I wrote:

Personally, I share Kira's point of view on this topic. I don't understand what makes a straight man or woman different from a gay man or woman other than their sexual preferences. They're still a human being, they still have feelings, and I'm sure many of them dream of having a wedding. But they can't. Because our society won't accept them. I like to ask, "If two gay men were to be married, how would that effect you in any way?" There's really no way that the person against gay marriage would be badly effected by their marriage. Maybe they'd be offended, but most people are offended almost every day; you see a picture or hear something that's offensive, but that doesn't mean you outlaw it. I believe gay marriage should be legal.

360 Degrees: Moral Questions

360 Degrees: Moral Questions

Whenever my family takes long road trips together, my dad loves bringing up moral questions for a discussion. My favorite, or at least the one that got me thinking the most, was "If your family is dying from starvation, is it morally right for you to steal an ear of corn from a corn field (you can't ask the farmer for one reason or another) to feed them?"

My automatic response was yes, of course. My family comes first to me and if they're dying, of course I'm going to steal one ear of corn from thousands so they can live. But then I have to think, "Is it morally right?" My emotions tell me it's okay, but in the end that's not always what's right. I still believe that doing something to save a life, if it's not taking someone else's, is morally acceptable. If I'm not killing this farmer or his children to save my family, then yes it is okay.

But then I begin thinking, this man spends everyday sowing and watering and growing these ears of corn, is it right for me to take one away from him? He spends a lot of money on those seeds just to grow and sell them. It's what he does for a living; do I have any right to take one away?

And then there's another point. It's just one. He has rows upon rows upon rows of corn, he's not going to miss one measly ear. This ear can save my families life, not just be an extra side dish for a meal. Isn't that a good enough reason to take just one?

So is it right for me to steal an ear of corn to feed my starving family? This farmer puts his life's work and dedication to his field of corn, why should it be morally right for me to steal something from him? Stealing is wrong, no matter what it is. Right?

Maybe not. Maybe saving a life is more important than the act of stealing. The life overrules the stealing. So isn't saving a life more important than all of these things? Yes, this farmer spends a lot of time on his corn, but if I take 1/1000 of it away so my family can live another day, that to me is morally right. My family's, or anyone else's life is more important than this man's minor loss of income.

An Inconvenient Truth: Selfish Acts

A concept that a certain student in Academy, I won't mention who, likes to bring up is the theory that everything anyone does is selfish, no matter what it is. This theory makes me so angry. He gave the example that someone joining the military is committing a selfish act and I just couldn't wrap my head around it. How is joining the military selfish? He claims that they only join the military for fame and glory and when I made the point that they want to protect our country, he countered saying that they only want to protect our country so that their family can be safe. Following that, he made the claim that they only want their family to be safe because they want their genes to be successful and be able to extend their lineage. This completely threw me off. How could someone caring for their children be selfish? We care for our parents just as much; how is that selfish?

In some situations, I can see how this theory could possibly be true. For example, if you let someone cheat off you on a test, you could claim that that is selfless because you don't gain anything from letting them cheat off of you. But that would be incorrect. That person, in my opinion, likes you even just a little more because you gave them the answers. Subconsciously, you do this because they are your friend and you don't want them to be mad at you or because you want that person to like you. Another example would be buying something for a random person. People like to do these kinds of things and consider them selfless but again, that'd be wrong. When a person pays for someone else's meal or helps them pay for something they feel good about themselves. That's what they gain from that. They feel like a good person, and that makes them happy.

While writing this blog, I find myself realizing how true the idea that every action is selfish can be. I'm actually kind of mad; I don't want that to be true. I think that one of the reasons I struggle with this concept, especially when its involved with the military, is because a few of my friends want to join the military. I think that it's extremely brave of them to do but it scares me. Because it's so admirable for someone to join the military, I can't stand thinking that it'd be just for themselves. If I look at it from the student's point of view, though, I can see it. My friends that want to join the military all feel like they don't have a purpose in life or lack structure, and looking at their situation with this theory in mind, they may just be joining the army to feel like they're doing something. And that would benefit them, causing their action to be selfish.

I now understand the idea that you discover new things while you're writing. I had the mindset of arguing my point that not everything is selfish, but I've been completely flipped around. Even though I don't want to admit it, maybe that theory is correct. It's just a difficult one for me to accept.

Best of Week: Trust Issues

Only attending one English class this week due to being sick, I had a limited amount of discussion topics. Luckily for me, though, Avi touched on something I found extremely interesting when we split up into small groups to work on the discussion questions.

The last question asked, "What else did you notice in the chapter that you'd like to share and discuss?" Avi then pointed out the first paragraph of Chapter 3, where the biographer explains that much of the documents describing Orlando's life during this time period had been left with large scorch marks or holes through them. She ends the paragraph with the sentence, "We have done our best to piece out the meagre summary from the charred fragments that remain; but often it is necessary to speculate, to surmise, and even to make use of the imagination." This leaves with the question, "Which parts of this chapter are actually true?"

Chapter 3 is filled with mystical and interesting "facts" about Orlando's life and transformation into a woman, but because of the biographer's opening paragraph, I began to wonder which of it was true to Orlando's life and which of it was fabricated. This started me thinking about real situations. Often you'll hear second-hand stories on something that happened; whether on the news or from a friend. The stories are always interesting, but after this chapter and Avi's comment, I realized that you never really know what is completely true. Almost every story, unless a first-hand account, is piecing together different bits of information to complete itself. You can never be sure that something is completely accurate. The story teller isn't trying to lie, but it's difficult to keep all of your facts straight when the story has been passed down through many different people. Even someone who experienced the situation first hand might have a piece of the story off just because they can't remember perfectly.

I'm really happy Avi pointed out the first paragraph to this chapter and made me think about it more. At first I thought that the biographer was just trying to juice up the story, but I realize there's a different, deeper meaning. Not only has this comment brought me to connect to real life, it also has made me analyze her writing more. Not much is put into this book just for fun; a lot has a deeper meaning than just at first glance.

Carry It Forward: Orlando

In class we had a discussion on Orlando as a writer and what he had discovered through his writing and experiences. One conclusion he came to was that he needs to write for himself and to make himself happy, not anyone else. Building on that throughout the discussion, we also touched on the idea that you need to live life and do things to make yourself happy, not anyone else. Your life is your life, and if you're not happy with yourself, it's hard for other people to be.

Being a teenager and in high school, you're surrounded by people that criticize your every move. You constantly think if you're wearing the right clothes, saying the right things, or even talking too much. Most people, if not everyone, strive to be liked and included. Some people even take that to the extreme and change themselves completely just to be a part of the "cool" crowd. I find myself second-guessing my actions as well. I tell myself, "It's fine. You don't need to be liked by everyone if you like yourself," but that's hard. It's hard to completely love yourself if other people don't like you. If I tell my parents that someone doesn't like me, they often say, "Well, that's their problem." I've found myself saying that as well, but I don't always believe it.

This discussion touched on a subject that I am frequently in conflict with. I like who I am as a person and I'm happy with myself, but if I don't always get invited to all the parties or talked to by the "cool" kids, I ask myself if I did something wrong, even if I know I didn't. Being happy with yourself and doing things that make you happy are key concepts in life, ideas that everyone should acknowledge and follow, and something that I'm working on.